Saturday, 7th December 2019

Man who's wanked on about Brexit for three years not voting if it's cold

A MAN who has spent three years ranting about Brexit is not planning to vote on December 12th if it is cold that day. 

Norman Steele, aged 52, has droned on about Brexit in the pub, at work and at home, but admitted that he is not braving icy conditions just to do something as unimportant as voting.

Barmaid Nikki Hollis said: “I feel this is a betrayal of the 200 or so hours I have spent listening to his tedium about ‘Eurocrats’ and the fishing industry.

“You’d think he’d be champing at the bit to help Boris Johnson, or even the Brexit Party, but he’s made it clear he will not be walking 300 metres to the local primary school if he has to put a scarf on.

“Does three years of fury about the EU-SSR mean nothing? I’m starting to think Brexit is just some sort of weird role-play.”

Steele said: “They say it could be below freezing, so I may not be voting to throw off the yoke of oppression that has completely ruined my life since 1975.

“I don’t get on with the cold. Really I should move to Spain, but for now I’m just going to be staying right here cosy by the radiator.

“Did I actually vote in the referendum? I think so. Or was it raining that day?”