May demands TV debate so she can repeat same six panicked phrases

THE prime minister has demanded a TV Brexit debate so she can repeat the same six meaningless platitudes while visibly panicked.

May will go head-to-head with Jeremy Corbyn in order to display how deeply uncomfortable she is with all forms of human interaction.

A Downing Street source said: “We feel the public stopped listening to Theresa saying the same six things in blank response some time ago, so they might not have noticed that one of them has changed.

“A TV debate, which she will begin with a fixed grimace swiftly supplanted by rising dread, will let her say all the usuals and her new claim that Labour should put politics aside and back her Brexit for the good of the Tory party.

“By 45 minutes in she’ll just be stuttering ‘I’ve been very clear,’ without ever clarifying what she’s been clear about and shouting ‘You’re from Venezuela!’ at Corbyn, who’ll take it as a compliment.

“It’s a bold and brilliant plan. But what else would you expect from the unerring instincts of Theresa May?”

Corbyn said: “If I just explain communism to everyone properly they’ll love it.”