THERESA May has been stockpiling toilet paper during her latest trip to Brussels.
With no-deal Brexit looming, the prime minister ordered the UK’s chief negotiator Olly Robbins to ram as many bogrolls as possible into her Skoda Yeti during a 7am stop at a hypermarket on the outskirts of the Belgian capital.
May said: “You’ve got to stock up, both for personal use and for black market purposes.
“Bogroll is very valuable because of its many uses. You can use it for post-its, paper mâché dolls and bandages – actual bandages, not just Halloween Mummy costumes.”
She added: “Olly, grab a shitload of those massive Toblerones and let’s get the fuck out of here.”