THERESA May is trying to find out what motivates normal human beings so that she can sound vaguely like one of them, it has emerged.
After promising to cap household energy bills, the prime minister is attempting to identify other ways of appealing to people who are not weird political robots like herself.
A Downing Street source said: “I think Theresa’s been googling ‘what do people like’ because she asked me if I had any policy ideas about Harry Styles, Blackadder and ‘hot MILFs’.
“She’s also asking random people. One of her security officers is into carp fishing, so she wanted to give everyone in Britain a rod and tackle box, but Amber Rudd said it wasn’t that popular.”
Appearing on The One Show, May said: “I’m passionate about the same things as British human beings – Kylie Jenner, Bristol City football club, lolcats, real UFO sightings and pasta cooking tips.
“After speaking to four of the humans I’m planning a number of new initiatives, starting with a £15 billion scheme to make actors speak clearly in BBC dramas.”
Voter Norman Steele said: “She’s promised to bring back hanging and commission a new series of The Vicar of Dibley. It’s like all my Christmases have come at once.”