Normal humans struggling to imagine event where highlight is a speech by Theresa May

NORMAL people are trying to comprehend a days-long event where the best bit is Theresa May saying things.

As the Conservative Party conference draws to a close, ordinary Britons found themselves trying to comprehend just how awful it must have been.

Mother-of-two Susan Traherne said: “Imagine looking at your watch and thinking ‘Theresa’s on in twenty minutes, better grab a good seat down the front because this is gonna be awesome’.

“You can’t do it, can you?”

Wayne Hayes, from Reading, said: “I went to see the musical version of War of The Worlds which I found pretty fucking boring, but at least it wasn’t four days long and Philip Hammond wasn’t in it.

“When Theresa May talks I just hear an out-of-tune trombone like when adults talk in Peanuts. Christ, imagine getting excited about that like it’s a big treat.

“Your life would have to be very, very empty indeed.”