Okay, you win, you’re the worst prime minister, concedes Cameron

FORMER prime minister David Cameron has given in and conceded that his successor Theresa May is the worst prime minister of the 21st century. 

Cameron has admitted he can no longer be considered to be in the running, though friends and former colleagues assured him he put up ‘one hell of a fight’.

He said: “I mean I called the Brexit referendum. You’d think that alone.

“But in my favour I did win one election, and another one sort of, and I handled the Scotland thing okay, and I did a few things that some people liked, and yeah. Low bar to clear I know.

“So okay, Theresa, you beat me, you are without competition the worst leader Britain has had this century. And I’m saying that and I fucked a fucking pig.

“You can resign now. Don’t believe your advisers when they say the only way is up. They don’t know you like I do.”

Following the statement, the British people realised the second-best prime minister of the 21st century was a miserable, inept dick they got rid of at the first opportunity, and the unquestioned best one was a war criminal.

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Normal humans struggling to imagine event where highlight is a speech by Theresa May

NORMAL people are trying to comprehend a days-long event where the best bit is Theresa May saying things.

As the Conservative Party conference draws to a close, ordinary Britons found themselves trying to comprehend just how awful it must have been.

Mother-of-two Susan Traherne said: “Imagine looking at your watch and thinking ‘Theresa’s on in twenty minutes, better grab a good seat down the front because this is gonna be awesome’.

“You can’t do it, can you?”

Wayne Hayes, from Reading, said: “I went to see the musical version of War of The Worlds which I found pretty fucking boring, but at least it wasn’t four days long and Philip Hammond wasn’t in it.

“When Theresa May talks I just hear an out-of-tune trombone like when adults talk in Peanuts. Christ, imagine getting excited about that like it’s a big treat.

“Your life would have to be very, very empty indeed.”