GEORGE Osborne has pledged to crack down on tax avoidance by pretending to be Hulk Hogan.
Appearing on BBC1’s Andrew Marr Reads the Papers, the chancellor took off his tie, tied it around his head and beat on his chest, before launching into a 10 minute-long, heavily scripted tirade.
Mr Osborne said: “If you ain’t down with stamp duty, it’s my duty to stamp you down.” He then threatened to ‘drop a load on those who don’t pay tax on their abode’.
Waggling his finger aggressively into the camera, he promised to personally visit stamp duty evaders across the UK, and introduce them to his friend, ‘The Reverend HMRC of the House of Pain’.
He added: “If you’re evading monies payable on land and property transactions above a certain value, I’ll tear you a new loophole.”
Mr Osborne also warned Shadow Chancellor Ed Balls that he would ‘come down on him so hard he’d think Godzilla had mistaken him… for… some sort of… of chair’ before admitting that one had not quite worked.
He then emitted a high-pitched noise that sounded like an unwell cat or a toddler that doesn’t like peas.
Pulling on a gold lamé cape, the Chancellor left with two women in silver bikinis and outsize cowboy hats, to a tinny rendition of Simply the Best by Tina Turner.