GEORGE Osborne slept soundly last night, despite being visited by three ghosts warning him to repent.
Osborne revealed the first spirit took him back in time to show him as a young, carefree student laughing about poor people at the Bullingdon Club.
He said: “The second spirit took me to a homeless shelter in east London where people are dealing with the consequences of my cutbacks.
“Then, the third spirit took me to the future, where I’m viewed as a massive bastard whose grave doubles as a practice mat for disabled inner city break dancers.
“I thought the whole thing was a waste of time and after the last spirit left, I slept like a fucking log.”
He added: “This morning, I opened my bedroom window and noticed a young boy walking past outside.
“I shouted ‘You there, boy, what day is this?’. He said, ‘Friday, Sir’, and I said ‘Then why aren’t you in school, you workshy little prick?’”