Wednesday, 12th August 2020

'Oh, I know I'm going to hell' confirms Rees-Mogg

JACOB Rees-Mogg has confirmed that he is definitely going to hell.

Responding to EU president Donald Tusk’s claim that Brexiters were going to ‘bad fire’ the Tory MP stressed he was well aware of the ultimate destiny of his soul.

Rees-Mogg added: “I run an investment fund which pursues profit in a ruthless, nay, savage manner.

“I accumulate vast wealth while pontificating about the idle poor. Jesus Christ would not approve. Similarly, I judge women and homosexuals. Again, not what Jesus had in mind.

“And on top of all that I claim to be a devout Roman Catholic, so you can add an almost criminal hypocrisy to my spiritual charge sheet.

“Don’t worry though, I am looking forward to the pain. It excites me.”