Rees-Mogg to turn back into puppet if he tells one more lie

JACOB Rees-Mogg has been warned that if he tells another lie he will turn back into a little wooden puppet.

The spindle-limbed Tory has one more chance before his wish to be a real boy is cancelled and he reverts to being a rosy-cheeked marionette.

Rees-Mogg’s condition has prevented him from playing a major part in Brexit negotiations, but now his only friend is concerned that another slip will see him returned to the attic of his Somerset farmhouse.

The friend, who asked not to be named, said: “If he turns back into a puppet I’ll be all alone. Who else would want to be friends with Michael Gove?”

Rees-Mogg’s constituents, however, are ambivalent about the MP’s condition.

Roy Hobbs said: “He’s not much use to us as he is. At least if he was a puppet you could set him on fire without getting into trouble.”