DAVID Cameron has agreed to let Edinburgh and London take turns running the country.
Under new rules the House of Commons will pass all powers to the Scottish Parliament on 2 January, 2015, after which the English will labour under the yoke of free universities and prescriptions for a full year, unless the money runs out.
The prime minister said: “It will be especially difficult for Southerners, who’ll have to adjust to the unprecedented humiliation of being ruled from hundreds of miles away by leaders who would never visit their nasty city.
“Meanwhile, residents of the North of England will experience less change, merely alternating between London and Edinburgh in their hatred for the out-of-touch elitists they didn’t vote for.”
Construction is already underway on a three-mile square floating city of lobbyists which will be anchored in the Thames or the Forth depending on who is in power.