Scotland celebrates anniversary of nothing happening

SCOTLAND is today celebrating one year since absolutely nothing happened and everything stayed exactly the same.

The independence vote, which seemed historic at the time but had less effect on Scottish life than the 2010 cancellation of Taggart, took place on this date in 2014, not that it matters.

Riveter Bill McKay of Glasgow said: “Incredible that we’re a full 365 days away from the vote, though in fairness last week we were also one year on from absolutely fuck all happening and I didn’t commemorate that.

“It’s nice to see the Sturgeon lass celebrating with the same empty threats she was making a year ago, though of course today they’re empty in a more poignant way.”

SNP leader Nicola Sturgeon said: “The excitement on the streets, a younger generation engaged with politics for the first time, the highest recorded voter turnout since 1918, and here we are still ruled by the Tories from London.

“And of course we must not forget The Vow, in which the leaders of all three major British political parties promised Scotland a load of stuff that they have laughingly failed to deliver.

“Truly the Indyref will go down in history as one of the greatest Scottish capitulations of all time, alongside Glencoe and the group games of Euro ’96.”