Scots Tories Pledge Cut Price Booze And Neighbourhood Sex Parties

THE Scottish Tories were accused of blatant populism today as they unveiled a manifesto bursting at the seems with sex, booze and holidays.

Is it just me or is it getting saucy in here?

The party has pledged to cut the price of alcohol, especially the sexy drinks like Cinzano, Baileys and Tia Maria.

Meanwhile local communities will be encouraged to set up neighbourhood sex parties to promote social cohesion and having a good time.

In addition, the weekend will be extended to include Monday so that workers can recover from 48 hours of wild, booze-filled sexiness.

A party spokesman said: "Someone in the research department noticed that Life on Mars seemed to be terribly popular these days so we decided to give the manifesto a distinctly '70s feel.

"We took it to the party leadership expecting a few amendments here and there, but you know Annabel, she's up for anything."

Those Tory manifesto highlights:

  • EDUCATION: Maths, physics and geography to be made saucier

  • TRANSPORT: Saucy or cheeky bus conductors on all urban routes

  • LAW & ORDER: Judges forced to acquit the spouses of saucy, large-breasted women

  • ECONOMY: 100,000 new window cleaners