Supreme court to call Mail Online comments section as witness

THE supreme court has decided that it will hear expert legal advice from the Mail Online comments section in today’s prorogation hearing. 

Justices will hear from former prime minister John Major, Labour’s Baroness Chakrabarti and below-the-line commenters New Dawn Grimsby and PatriotInSpain before ruling on whether parliament should be recalled.

Court clerk Norman Steele said: “This is one of the most important constitutional law cases in British history. The opinion of BigBadDom1962 could be vital.

“The justices, who are the finest and most experienced legal minds in the country, cannot decide without first considering if ‘Parliment makes the law and PM runs Parliment so IT CANT BE ILLEGAL!’ accords with precedent.

“Likewise, some might feel ‘There was no deal on the ballot therefore Britain voted for NO DEAL’ is outside the remit of this case, but if so then why did YorkieKing leave it under a story on the court? It must be relevant.

“Only once HiDeHi Fan’s view that Parliament has been illegally sitting since 2016, when it should have been dissolved and reconstituted under Nigel Farage, has been dismissed can a verdict be reached.”

Lady Hale, presiding over the hearing, said: “They’re all f**king idiots. Next.”