Which Marvel Superheroes are Britain's politicians?

BORIS Johnson is thick and smashes everything like the Hulk, but which Marvel characters are analogous to Britain’s leading politicians?

Frozen in time from the 1940s when everyone smoked, female employees were encouraged with slaps on the bottom and racism was just common sense, Farage loves America more than he can say and will fight any hero who stops him making Britain into it. 

Jacob Rees-Mogg is LOKI
Thinks he’s clever, talks all Shakespearean, but whenever he’s near a scepter of power or ceremonial mace manages to bugger everything up. Irritatingly, never quite dies. 

Dominic Raab is HAWKEYE
Nobody needs Hawkeye. A man who shoots arrows wouldn’t provide a tactical advantage in World War One, let alone against Thanos/the EU. But he thinks he’s hard and might come in useful as cannon fodder someday, so he’s on the team. 

Arlene Foster is DOCTOR DOOM
Like Doom, Foster’s face is covered by an emotionless metal mask and she rules her little-understood nation with an iron hand and sorcery. Will betray anyone who makes a deal with her. 

Both are relatively unknown, both enrage gammons just by existing, and nobody’s really sure what either of them have to do with the plot so they’ll probably end up getting quietly written out. 

Jeremy Corbyn is THE WATCHER
Labour leader Corbyn is undoubtedly The Watcher, a large-headed alien who stands on the moon intensely observing all human affairs but forbidden to interfere. At moments of great crisis, like Brexit, he appears in the sky but still does nothing. 

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Woman's life still crap despite affirmations and visualisation

A WOMAN’S life is still a lot of crap despite affirmations and visualisation, it has been confirmed.

Susan Traherne is still unhappy in her career, unfit and unable to find a long term partner even though she recites positive statements in the mirror each morning and visualises herself as a slim, happily married millionaire entrepreneur.

Traherne said: “I do exactly what the New Age gurus suggest, and yet my love life’s still down the toilet and I haven’t ‘manifested’ so much as a quid.”

She added: “You’d think the universe could at least throw me a voucher for free Nectar points.”

New Age guru Julian Cook said: “I think the universe is angry with Susan because she visualised an East 17 reunion.”