Surfing has too many rich kids, says Cameron

 

THE prime minister has complained that Cornish surfing is dominated by a clique of wealthy public schoolboys.

David Cameron, who took his boogie board down to the beach to check out the local scene, found himself shut out by trust fund surfers who’ve never worked a day in their lives.

He said: “We could all be professional surfing coaches if daddy paid for the lessons and bought us a cool VW camper van to party in.

“I was expecting to pick up wisdom from authentic tanned locals who lived to ride waves and slept on the beach under their battered boards.

“Instead it’s a bunch of Old Harrovians holding Jack Wills parties and drawling at each other in their RP voices about which of next season’s debutantes they want to nail.”

Cameron is planning to go back to London, where at least he can have a decent conversation with people who don’t turn away when they find out your dad’s not a baron.

He said: “Honestly, the rahs always come along and ruin it for everyone. It’s the same with grouse shooting.”

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UKIP voters say Carswell is way too normal

UKIP voters have insisted they did not sign up for a party that was going to include politicians who could almost pass for normal.

Tory MP Douglas Carswell’s defection to UKIP has left the party’s supporters wondering what the point was anyway.

UKIP voter, Wayne Hayes, said: “When I said I was sick of the Tories and wanted a red-blooded English alternative to establishment politics, I really meant it.

“I’m not just some run-of-the-mill Tory dressed up for a night at the Proms. I’m confused, angry and full of horrible visions.”

He added: “Carswell is just a bit ‘beige’. I know, I hear it and I don’t care.”

UKIP supporter, Roy Hobbs, said: “The UKIP candidates in the local elections were xenophobic, delusional, and given to wonderfully racist quips which most of us didn’t even understand were wrong.

“And now I’m supposed to believe a bunch of Tories can meet that standard of wild-eyed unprofessionalism?

“I don’t think so.”