Theresa May announces last election

THE PRIME minister has announced that the general election on June 8th will be Britain’s last. 

Theresa May has told Britain’s citizens they will be allowed to exercise their democratic rights one final time to give her rule the stability it needs.

She said: “Despite my repeated demands for unity, still we are plagued with disagreement and opinions which I will charitably describe as ‘different’.

“This election will establish, once and for all, that I and my policies are right and backed by everyone, forever.

“Following this there will be no further elections because the uncertainty is bad for markets. There will only be certainty, glorious certainty, for us all.”

May also told Britain that the time for childish support of ‘other’ parties has come to an end, and she would like everyone, especially the Scots, to grow up and vote Conservative.

She added: “An all-Tory House of Commons would be a wonderful climax to British democracy.”