Trump visit could actually be the thing that stops us all hating each other, agrees Britain

BRITONS have agreed that a visit from American’s evil president next year could actually be the thing that reunites their divided nation.

Surrey farmer Bill McKay said: “Brexit or Remain, Momentum or Moggmentum, we can all agree on one thing: Trump is a dickhead. 

“Whether you’re a trawlerman collecting rotten fish-heads, a farmer setting a tank of pig shit aside or an intern at a tech start-up practising flying your drone with clippers attached, we’ve got a welcome lined up he’ll never forget. 

“I can’t wait to see his face when he calls himself Mr Britain and we all let fly with our eggs at once. It’ll be beautiful.” 

The Queen said: “I’ve tried and tried, but I can’t imagine a wedding present Meghan would want more than, you know, the head. Served on a tray.”