NEWLY elected UKIP councillors have discovered they are not allowed to remove their borough from the European Union.
The local councillors, whose skills include patriotic fervour, will now be forced to spend the next five years making speeches about Eurocrats during planning meetings and calling for Union Jacks to be painted on wheelie bins.
Norman Steele, the new leader of UKIP-controlled Doncaster Council, said: I was proud to announce earlier today that Doncaster will be freed from the yoke of EU membership with immediate effect.
I have now been informed this will not be possible. Same goes for my plan to build a 200ft wall around the city to keep out the Bulgars.
He added: I cant even force people to wear ties.
Former BNP councillor Stephen Malley said: When I was elected in 2009 I was shocked to discover the police wouldnt obey my direct orders and that using the council to promote anti-semitism was against the law.
I couldnt get anyone deported, it turned out that Christmas wasnt actually banned and there was no money for my spectacular torchlight rally.
However, I was able to deny the Holocaust during a meeting about mobility scooters.