By Wayne Hayes
BORIS Johnson has got a county court judgement against him for an unpaid debt, same as I have. Here is my guide to some of the things it will stop him doing:
Buy a sofa on credit
A couple of weeks ago everyone was making a huge fuss about Boris and Carrie borrowing money to do up their flat, and now we know why. Poor bloke isn’t able to buy a sofa on credit from DFS and was too embarrassed to admit it. Honestly, he’s just like you and me.
Apply for a mortgage
A CCJ makes getting a mortgage difficult. People have been slagging off the Tories for changing the rules about voting so they can stay in power longer. Obviously it’s so Boris can remain at Number 10, as he won’t be able to buy a new gaff with this hanging over his head.
Have a job that requires security clearance
A CCJ means you can’t be given certain types of security clearance, which will be a pain for Boris as he’s meant to be the guy who knows the nuclear codes. He’ll have to pass them over to Dominic Raab, even though he’s got the look of someone who would obliterate France for a laugh.
Get a new mobile phone
Have you been wondering why Boris’ number was all over the internet and he didn’t bother to change it? It’s because his CCJ is stopping him from getting a new contract. To be fair, he could probably get a pay-as-you-go SIM, but when would he get the chance to top it up? He’s a busy man.
Avoid the bailiffs
If you’ve got a CCJ, you’re fair game for the bailiffs. I pretended I was out when they came for me, but Boris can’t do that because someone’s always opening the door of his house on the news. Never mind though, I expect he’s got an expensive portrait of Tony Blair he can give them.