Sunday, 25th October 2020

'You lied to me, you fat f**k,' says Queen

THE Queen has been heard to murmur ‘You lied to me, you f**king fat f**k’ while watching the news.

The monarch greeted the announcement that the prime minister’s advice to her on prorogation was illegal by narrowing her eyes and pointing one furious finger.

A maidservant heard her continue: “You know what happens to people who lie to me? No, you don’t. Because nobody f**king lies to me, you prick.

“Think I haven’t seen kn*bheads like you strut in here puffed up with your own bullsh*t before? But I give them the death stare and I get the bloody truth.

“I knew. I knew before the words were lolling out of your lying mouth. I had to wait. But now? Now you’re f**ked.”

Elizabeth II then glanced over to her husband the Duke of Edinburgh, nodded and watched him speak a few words into a black telephone before she reclined with a thin-lipped smile.