‘You lied to me, you fat f**k,’ says Queen

THE Queen has been heard to murmur ‘You lied to me, you f**king fat f**k’ while watching news of the Scottish court decision on television. 

The monarch greeted the announcement that the prime minister’s advice to her on prorogation was illegal by narrowing her eyes and pointing one furious finger.

A maidservant heard her continue: “You know what happens to people who lie to me? No, you don’t. Because nobody f**king lies to me, you prick.

“Think I haven’t seen kn*bheads like you strut in here puffed up with your own bullsh*t before? But I give them the death stare and I get the bloody truth.

“I knew. I knew before the words were lolling out of your lying mouth. I had to wait. But now? Now you’re f**ked.”

Elizabeth II then glanced over to her husband the Duke of Edinburgh, nodded and watched him speak a few words into a black telephone before she reclined with a thin-lipped smile.