You might be surprised to learn I don’t like protesters, says May

THERESA May has admitted that she considers all protesters to be a filthy rabble who should be locked up. 

The prime minister confessed that mass protests, like yesterday’s in Whitehall, actually make her eager to round them all up. 

She continued: “People say that peaceful protest is one of the pillars of democracy, but seeing them with their mismatched hand-made signs makes me itch.

“I know this will surprise everyone because I’ve always come across as a tolerant, listening politician, but deep down I think they’re workshy scruffs who need a good beating to set them straight. 

“What’s wrong with sitting in a leather-backed armchair and writing a letter to the Telegraph, if you want your views heard? Or simply emailing your lobbyist? 

“I haven’t bothered to find out what they’re protesting about. Certainly something eminently sensible which no right-thinking person would disagree with, or they wouldn’t shout so loud.” 

She added: “They make me shudder. They’ll have to go.”