YOU can’t tie a shoelace these days without accidentally backing the destruction of capitalism. Retired headmistress Margaret Gerving details the other knee-based activities it’s ruined:
Proposing
The holy institution of marriage has been under threat since it let the gays in, but now every proposal is a formal invitation to overthrow the white supremacist state the institution has been destroyed forever. To marry is now to form a two-person communist sleeper cell.
Praying
I can no longer kneel down on a cassock in St Peter’s and say a quiet prayer without the rest of the congregation thinking I want them chained together and demolishing statues of Queen Victoria with pick-axes. And I don’t. I was praying for an 16 per cent pension rise.
Providing oral pleasure
Already socialist at the least, this degenerate activity now makes you a traitor to your country’s heritage. I’m sorry but it’s true. And Joan at the village shop says the National Trust now encourages cottaging. She’s read it in the Express.
Gardening
You can’t garden without kneeling, and I have a special padded mat from John Lewis, but how can I do it now without the neighbours assuming I want to defund the police? I’m too old to bend at the waist, so BLM has ruined my vegetable patch as well as the country.
Lunges
The lady who runs the exercise class I go to in the village hall still insists on making us do lunges, despite me telling her we shouldn’t be prostrating ourselves for to a racist cult. She claimed lunges were good for your glutes and quads then banned me. I think she’s woke.
Being knighted
You can’t be knighted without kneeling, which means the Queen is recruiting high-ranking members of the establishment into Black Lives Matter, which means she’s the de facto head of Black Lives Matter and our mortal enemy. And Meghan is good. Whoah. This shit is deep.
