THE question of Scottish independence will be decided not by referendum but by the result of tonight’s England-Scotland result, it has emerged.
Prime minister Boris Johnson, who proposed the wager to Nicola Sturgeon yesterday, promised that if Scotland win they will be granted immediate independence but if England triumph independence is off the table until 2051.
Scotland secretary Alister Jack said: “Group stages can be a bit purposeless, so the boss decided to spice things up by putting the 1707 Acts of Union on the line.
“If England can link through Jack Grealish to Harry Kane, then it’s another 20 years of oppressive Sassenach rule for the Scots. If Scotland manage an unlikely win they can build a new Hadrian’s Wall and rejoin the EU. It really is all to play for.”
Scotland captain Andy Robertson said: “The pressure’s on but if we keep up our press, control the midfield and look to hit them on the counter we could end centuries of rule by posh English wankers.
“In the event of a draw we’ll go to penalties to put this to bed once and for all. Using England’s inability to win a shoot-out to short-circuit democratic process. What a perfect goodbye.”