BRITAIN has been asked to choose between leaders who will either screw them, shaft them or f**k them, it has emerged.
With no decent options left, the country has been offered a prime minister from a dismal array of contenders who will inevitably run it into the ground in one way or another.
A government spokesperson said: “I know, I know, but this is all we’ve got. Cover your eyes and point to one if that makes it easier. It’s the same result either way.
“How about this guy? Years of experience as chancellor, chucked you a few quid during lockdown, revealed his nasty side during the last leadership race when you turned him down. He’s over it now and raring to go.
“Or there’s this one. Probably as bad as the rest but still a bit of a mystery. One for the dads, or at least the ones who will jump at the chance to cast their vote based on who looks good in a swimsuit.
“You’re already familiar with the other choice so I’ll spare you the details. He’s high risk, low reward but that’s what we’re down to. Just be grateful Rees-Mogg isn’t in the running.
“If there was another choice where everyone could have their say then I’d offer it to you. But there isn’t, so shut the f** up and stop asking.”
