DOMINIC Raab is ready to face praise from MPs today on how incredibly well Britain’s withdrawal from Afghanistan went.
The foreign secretary will be questioned by the cross-party foreign affairs committee later, and expects the questions to be along the lines of ‘How are you doing such an amazing job?’ and ‘Why are you such a legend?’
He continued: “Of course it won’t all be praise. I’m expecting a lot of sympathy about the five days holiday in Crete I lost. I didn’t get those refunded.
“But largely I imagine it’s a teaching opportunity. How a military withdrawal should be done, how to handle a refugee crisis, how to enhance Britain’s reputation on the international stage, all that.
“After three-quarters of an hour they’ll have run out of superlatives so I’ll just tell them about my daily workout routine. Curls, reps etcetera. That’s my go-to for when people are gaping in awe. Happens often.”
Shadow foreign secretary Lisa Nandy said: “We’ll ask questions about how he managed to oversee quite such a total f**k-up and he’ll answer them as if it was a barnstorming success, just like every other Tory.
“Still, he’s not the worst foreign secretary ever. Last-but-one was a total f**king disaster. He’s prime minister now.”