ARE you the sort of person the BBC interviews in shopping precincts during the day for your banal opinions? Here moron Norman Steele gives his advice on voting in a December election.
Base your vote on ‘common sense’
Not the sort of common sense that says ‘I should stop buying lottery tickets because I’ve won nowt in 20 years’. No, the sort that says, ‘Nobody can tell what will happen in the future, so let’s give Brexit a whirl!’
Vote for some totally irrelevant reason
Was a policeman once a bit rude to you? Do you find Eddie Izzard unsettling? Have local roadworks complicated your journey to Asda? Have a good fume about these and vote for whoever you wrongly imagine will do something about them.
Do not read or watch anything vaguely intelligent
The Daily Express and your local newspaper are the only information sources you need for a general election. If someone suggests something more balanced, just say “They’re all biased!” and get back to reading dubious Facebook posts claiming Jeremy Corbyn was in the IRA.
Use your superficial prejudices
Is Jo Swinson a bit young to be prime minister? Do you not like Keir Starmer’s hair? These are sound and valid reasons on which to base your vote.
Complain politicians are ‘all the same’ then vote for the most obvious charlatan
You should firmly believe that all politicians are liars and crooks, a view many people will sympathise with. However when it comes to voting, completely forget this and vote for an obvious chancer like Boris or Farage because, as is well-known, ‘Britain’s full’.