HAVE you been blindsided by having a trans Conservative MP when you thought only trendy lefties and confused teenagers went in for that nonsense? Here are the five stages of coping.
Denial
It’s not true. This simply isn’t what Conservatives do. We are the party of family and country, not weird sex things. Apart from all the rent boys. And that MP who did autoerotic asphyxiation with an orange in his mouth. No, it’s all an April Fool’s joke but he got the date wrong. That’ll be it. Yes.
Anger
For God’s sake, I’ve bought into all this culture war stuff wholesale, convinced I’m on the right bloody side even though I don’t understand the first thing about gender dysphoria. Now I’ve been let down by my own team. Thanks a bunch, Boris. F**king hell, I’m furious. And deeply confused. Do we all have to be Boy George now?
Bargaining
Maybe Jamie Wallis didn’t say trans. Maybe he said trains. Maybe he said he wants to ‘be trains’. That’s a much more Tory thing to say. What do you mean, it doesn’t make any sense and I sound mad? Shut up or I’ll regress back to the previous stage.
Depression
Well, that’s that, then. The gender benders have won and the Conservatives are now the party of woke snowflakes who think there are 50 different genders, including self-identifying as a helicopter. I suppose I’ll have to share the M&S changing rooms with lady-men with breasts and great big dangling penises. I might as well vote for that Marxist Keir Starmer. Or those anarchist Greens. Nothing matters anymore.
Acceptance
Maybe it isn’t so bad. Maybe having a trans Tory MP will convince some of the leftists to change sides, as Labour don’t have one. Yes, it gives us one over on those leftie bastards. I fully welcome and endorse it. Trans rights are human rights. Hooray!