ACHIEVED questionable election results? Not sure how to express yourself? Labour voter Martin Bishop explains how to celebrate.
Selectively interpret the results
Instead of focusing on the negatives, read through the mixed results with a positive attitude. You might not have done as well as you predicted, or even as well as the Lib Dems, but not losing too many seats is a victory, right? You beat the Greens. No one can take that away from you.
Act like it’s 1997
Your limited gains are akin to the landslide of 1997. Who cares if there are two long, punishing years until the next general election? A Labour triumph is assured so you may as well kick off the festivities ahead of schedule. There’s no way you’ll look back with embarrassment on getting prematurely hammered to D:Ream.
Don’t look at the North
The North is a strange, unpredictable hinterland ruled by the savages of its new Blue Wall. Don’t waste your time thinking about their strange needs or what their continued support of the Tories could possibly mean. Focus on the enlightened inhabitants of the South instead. Not the backward, inbred hicks of the South West, obviously. You don’t want their vote.
Focus on London
Taking three symbolic London councils from the Conservatives is cause for celebration. Especially as the rest of the country looks to the capital as a model of how to behave. Before long, even the most Brexity small towns will decide to vote Labour as they sip frappuccinos in their gastropubs.
Rest on your laurels
Tell yourself Labour has reached a historic turning point and the Tories are on the way out. This means supporters can kick back and relax. The hard work is done and the only possible danger is Starmer coming up with bland, uninspiring policies and the Tory press giving him a kicking. But what are the chances of that?