WONDERING how schools will teach sensitive topics in a non-biased way? Read the government’s new advice for tackling thorny subjects.
The softer side of Hitler
Everyone tends to focus on Hitler causing the most horrific war in history. To show his softer side, teachers should highlight his delicate watercolours. And did he buy lots of chew toys for Blondi? Maybe we’ve jumped to conclusions about him being ‘evil’.
Edward Colston’s notable statue legacy
Woke teachers always claim that being a slave trader is bad, but Edward Colston left a notable statue legacy. Any lesson about how he bought and sold human beings must also mention how he put Bristol on the map in 2020 via the arts. Really he deserves another statue to recognise his contribution to the British statue industry.
The economic benefits of global warming
Soaring temperatures and rising sea levels are often taught in a negative light, which does students a disservice by ignoring global warming’s massive economic potential. Once the planet has been knocked about by nature then first world countries such as Britain will be able to sell goods like food and water for a premium. This is a good thing and don’t let snowflakes tell you otherwise.
The cool consequences of the patriarchy
Everyone agrees feminism is a fun little idea but it’s gone too far. There’s nothing wrong with women having the vote, but do we really need a fifth series of The Handmaid’s Tale? No. By contrast, the patriarchy has given us wonderful things like action movies and cars. Any lesson about the Suffragettes should include Top Gear.
15 minutes of daily Boris worship
Any religion except Christianity should be banned, with an exception for mandatory Boris worship. Pupils will praise his portrait and be reminded anything negative they’ve read about him is lies by our enemies. Teachers who refuse to lead the ‘Hail Boris!’ chant will disappear in the night. To ensure balance.
