This is racism against milfs. By Tory grassroots member Roy Hobbs

THE ousting of Penny Mordaunt brings shame on the Tory party. Although I’m not normally one to whinge about discrimination, let’s call this what it is: racism against milfs.

We’ve got an Asian man in the contest and, until recently, an extremely right-wing black woman. That’s more than enough diversity for me. But what about 49-year-old ladies with a pretty face and a smashing pair of tits? Who’s standing up for their rights?

Milfs play a vital role in society. Before the internet, masturbating over a moderately attractive teacher or friend’s mum was young men’s first introduction to happy, healthy heterosexuality. Without milfs, we’d have been forced to wank over Jemima from Play School. Somehow that feels wrong.

And like all minorities, Penny has faced her own challenges reaching the top. Resentment of her stunning good looks for a start. People call her an intellectual lightweight. But anyone who can attempt a back-flip in the high-pressure environment of ITV’s Splash! is prime minister material in my book. 

Who knows what skulduggery went on behind the scenes? Realising he had no chance against a gorgeous, patriotic, ex-Royal Navy reservist like Penny, I believe Sunak lent votes to Truss, who was consumed with jealousy for her young, beautiful rival.

And let’s face it, we in the Conservatives have not been blessed with a succession of lookers. Andrea Leadsom? Looks like she wouldn’t touch your beef bayonet without washing-up gloves on. Therese Coffey? Let’s not even go there.

When Martin Luther King said ‘I have a dream’, he surely also meant equal rights for milfs like Penny. I’m extrapolating slightly, but he’d have supported older ladies with cracking norks making it to the final round of the Tory leadership contest, and would probably have had a quick tug himself.

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F**king hell, you wouldn't would you? F**king hell you would

YOU’RE serious, aren’t you? You really would elect her prime minister. Liz Truss, unfit to be prime minister of a duck pond. You’d make her prime minister of a country. Not a made-up country but an actual country. This one.

You f**king well would. You’ll have a few drinks at the golf club and think, why not? We’ll be dead in a few years anyway, who cares? Or you think she’s great, in which case you’re dangerously mad and should be disbarred from voting. Or owning sharp pencils.

Admittedly that’s unlikely. You just won’t vote for the other bloke because Love Thy Neighbour and It Ain’t Half Hot Mum were too ‘woke’ for your tastes. 

So we get Truss. This is on you, old white people. Well, more red-coloured. You’ll see to it that this self-obsessed cabbage patch doll is PM thanks to lame Thatcherite cosplay like riding a tank around.

You’re only sad that Nadine f**king Dorries isn’t running, or you’d vote for her, wouldn’t you? Or Thatcher. She’d get your vote. And yes, we do mean the dug-up version.

Still, you’ve got the next best thing – Liz’s zombie-like patriotic pronouncements. Think it’s high time we declared nuclear war on Brussels? Vote Truss. Still want to ‘get Brexit done’ for some reason? Liz is a convert. 

Was Boris Johnson not bad enough, and now you want someone who’s shit in a different way? The only explanation is that Tory members all have gin-soaked scrambled eggs for brains. Which may not be a bad idea. Make mine a pint of Gordon’s.