Trump bringing bezzie mate Putin to UK

PRESIDENT Trump has invited Vladimir Putin to come with him to Britain when he visits next month because he “knew we wouldn’t mind”.

Trump claims the invite is a good idea because it will stop him getting bored and he and Putin can dick around while sightseeing in London.

He said: “You ever talk to Theresa May? Tremendously uninteresting. Really tremendously uninteresting. Doesn’t golf.

“But Putin, now there’s a guy you can have fun with. I can just see us on top of a sightseeing bus shouting ‘Call this a capital city, asshats?’ and throwing fries at people.

“Vlad – he’s Vlad, I’m Donny – will be coming to all my official engagements with the Queen and those guys so there’ll be someone on my wavelength. Y’know, who’ll do an armpit fart if things really drag.

“Hey, you know what? Maybe we’ll invite Kim too. The whole pussy posse tearing down olde London town. It’ll be incredible.”

Theresa May said: “As ever, I will continue to pretend this is a good idea.”