PEOPLE who believe Covid is a hoax also believe Keir Starmer covered up Jimmy Savile’s crimes and are twats, scientists have found.
By presenting the statistics as a Venn diagram, the Institute for Studies discovered that anti-vaxxers, paedo-hunters and wankers were a single group of morons who cannot comprehend simple shit.
Professor Henry Brubaker said: “This could completely change the way society treats angry simpletons who’ve all stumbled into believing the same bollocks.
“We’re not trying to understand them better – they’re just twats – but we could divert their energies away from harmful activities like hounding Keir Starmer and writing embarrassing songs about Covid.
“The same people who believe in ancient aliens also believe in satanic abuse also believe in microchipped vaccines. They’re clearly out there looking for mad shit to put their faith in.
“I suggest giving them a whole new set of implausible conspiracies to waste their lives on. For example, Peppa Pig is based on a real porcine-human hybrid created ‘the scientists’ to turn the population into bacon.
“I made that bullshit up on the spot just like Boris Johnson does at the despatch box. Bet you it’ll fly.”
Paedophile-hater Wayne Hayes said: “Edible pig-humans grown in test tubes doesn’t surprise me after Covid. You can bet Ted Heath’s got something to do with it. I’d better alert Facebook.”