CONFUSED as to why multi-millionaire Rishi Sunak pays proportionately less tax than you? Here the prime minister explains why this actually makes total sense.
I’m the prime minister
Sure, it sounds impressive, but the job doesn’t pay that much. That’s why they sweeten the deal by throwing in all those workplace bonuses like a pokey old flat to live in and jollies to Ukraine. I’d be far better off being a hedge fund manager or married to a billionaire. And I should know because I’ve done both those things and made a packet in the process.
I have a US investment fund
This nice little earner is how I make most of my money. And because capital gains are lightly taxed, most of the dosh goes straight into my pocket. Frankly I’m surprised more people don’t give it a whirl! Overseas investments definitely pay better than a real job where you actually contribute to society, although don’t quote me on that because I’m not speaking from experience.
I know how to play the game
I’ve been in the money racket for decades. I cut my teeth at Goldman Sachs. So I’m bound to have picked up a few sneaky money-saving tips in the process. You’d use them yourselves if you were in a position to, so don’t be hypocrites by getting all angry at me. Hate the game, not the player. And that’s what I am – a player.
Tax is inherently f**ked up
The pittance I’ve forked out over the years is the tip of the iceberg. HMRC will come down hard on a poor child minder who filed their tax return a day late, yet the likes of Google and Apple are free to get away with paying f**k all. Why not focus on these mega-rich corporations instead of my small-fry tax, which doesn’t even make it into the millions?
I’m really, really rich
I pay less tax because I already have enough money in the bank to last several lifetimes. That makes no sense but it’s how the world works. Yes, I could easily adjust the rules to make taxes fairer for people barely making ends meet, but I won’t. I like to feel like a winner, and that’s not easy for me, apart from my impressive collection of over 20 replica lightsabers.