Friday, 30th October 2020

Why it takes a serial incompetent to tackle incompetence, by Matt Hancock

RECENTLY I’ve noticed columnists saying it’s wrong to appoint useless people to important jobs. As someone with a long history of incompetence, let me explain why they’re wrong.

Have you ever heard the saying ‘It takes a thief to catch a thief’? Well, it’s the same with incompetence. 

The new national health agency boss Dido Harding has a record of presiding over a data loss catastrophe at Talk Talk before overseeing a still more calamitous track and trace cock-up.

A slow-witted left winger would see this as proof that she shouldn’t be allowed to direct traffic at an NHS car park, let alone be given £10bn of public funds to play with.

What they are missing is that, unlike competent people, incompetents have frontline, real-life experience of dealing with absolute shitshows.

Shitshows of their own making, yes. But would you prefer executives who are good at their jobs, who have never have experienced massive foul-ups because things run smoothly under them?

‘That doesn’t make sense’, I hear you say. But I know what I’m talking about. I am one of the top incompetents in Britain, if not the world. World-beating incompetence, you might say.

Anyway, her husband and I belong to the same tennis club.