PEOPLE often say to me: ‘Shouldn’t you be out with your mates boozing and chasing girls?’ Actually they usually say ‘You’re that Reform twat, aren’t you?’ but you see what I mean.
I’m the first to admit Reform is seen as an old person’s party, but I believe there are lots of young people who’d like to be more bigoted and right-wing but can’t because of woke. That’s a bad thing, by the way.
And if you’re the sort of weird teenager who desperately wants to climb the greasy political pole, Reform is the obvious choice. We’ll let anyone join – ex-BNP members, anti-vax nutters, Lee Anderson. Seriously, you’d have more difficulty getting a Nectar card.
And that’s how I found myself leading an actual council. Luckily it’s piss-easy – a typical working day for me is: whine on about Pride flags; make up some shit about woke teachers and universities; eat a sandwich. To be honest it leaves you more time for wanking and playing Call of Duty than the school summer holidays.
I’ll admit council meetings can be challenging. But if you’re the sort of young person who joins Reform you’re likely to have been bullied at school. Occasional accusations of racism and transphobia are nothing when you’re used to being called ‘wanker’ 100 times a day. Often by the headmaster.
I’m also pretty sure that being a Reform council leader will impress girls. It’s a well-known fact that women find power to be an aphrodisiac, although the fit waitress in Costa said she wasn’t really up for a relationship just to get a new wheelie bin.
So that’s me, and if there’s one thing I’d like people to understand, it’s that I’m not some stereotypical Reform councillor who collects golliwogs, keeps posting conspiracy crap about ‘white genocide’ on Facebook, and thinks terms like ‘darkies’ are acceptable. That’s our deputy leader, Yvonne.
