CELEBRATE Boris Johnson being found innocent enough by the Met with today’s historic Daily Mail souvenir special. Here’s a taste of the high-quality journalism it contains.
A brown-nosing editorial
Boris Johnson is a glorious paragon of a human being who deserves to be revered as a god. That’s according to the glowing editorial in today’s souvenir special, which has a nauseating headline written in a fancy font: ‘Hurrah for British justice! Boris the loveable scoundrel pulls it off again!’
A coupon for a commemorative five pound coin
The Metropolitan Police taking no further action against Johnson is an event you will want to treasure for the ages. And what better way to do that than sending off a coupon for a commemorative five pound coin printed with the prime minister’s smug face? Fill in the details and pop it in the post with a cheque for £25.
A highly favourable rewriting of events
Despite what the Marxist left would have you believe, Boris Johnson didn’t really do anything wrong during the pandemic. All around him people were copping off with their aides, inking dodgy PPE contracts and planning to ambush him with a cake, but Boris is pretty much innocent and a hero to boot. Not even Churchill could have handled it better.
Score-settling with the police
The real villains are the police for having the temerity to investigate Boris Johnson – and YOU the taxpayer paid for it! Scotland Yard should be scrapped immediately and replaced with an armed militia who swear an oath of loyalty to the prime minister, argues Peter Hitchens in an ‘exclusive’ column no one else will print.
That photo of Keir Starmer drinking a beer
The supplement will contain a ludicrous number of references to ‘Beergate’. Britain must never forget that the leader of the Labour Party is cheating justice like his buddy Jimmy Savile. Just because he hasn’t been found guilty doesn’t mean he is innocent. The country deserves better, like Boris Johnson.