I'll do it if you do, says women whose boyfriend wants to try anal

A WOMAN has told her boyfriend that she will happily accept his request for anal penetration if he is prepared to give it a go in return.

Charlotte Phelps, aged 24, is open to having an object shoved repeatedly up her bum for Joshua Hudson’s pleasure as long as the deal is full reciprocal.

Phelps said: “Josh says he wants us to be more sexually adventurous, which I’m down with. But sticking his knob in a slightly different hole isn’t pushing any boundaries.

“So it seems to me a true sexual adventure and a brand new sensation which, as he keeps assuring me, he ‘might really enjoy’ is my taking him up the arse. It’s totally mainstream now, even the Royals do it.

“But oddly, though he was super keen on anal before and an expert on the number of nerve endings up there, once I set my terms he went very lukewarm.

“Especially after he saw my Moregasm Plus G-Spot from Ann Summers, which is weird as it’s a mere six inches. Who could be intimidated by that?”

Hudson said: “Yeah, I hadn’t anticipated that this was something we’re both physically able to experience. I’m going to move on to ball-sucking.”

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Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Aries, March 21st–April 19th

‘For what is a pie without a lid?’ as Plato said.

Taurus, April 20th–May 20th

You’re still writing Prince Charles on all your death threats. So hard to get used to!

Gemini, May 21st–June 21st

Jesus ate nothing but pitta bread and olives and he still only lived to be 33. Makes you think.

Cancer, June 22nd–July 22nd

In the next Fast & Furious the nitrous oxide is accidentally hooked up to the air-con, Vin Diesel pulls the handle and loses a crucial race while absolutely pissing himself laughing.

Leo, July 23rd–August 22nd

That’s the third Lego model in a row that’s arrived completely in pieces. Fucking joke of a company.

Virgo, August 23rd–September 22nd

Maybe someday the metaverse will be advanced enough that it can force you to give a shit about it.

Libra, September 23rd–October 22nd

What it is, is a new album. What it is not is a new fucking era.

Scorpio, October 23rd–November 22nd

They say let sleeping dogs lie but it’s very difficult to perform your duties as a vet that way. Apart from putting them down.

Sagittarius, November 22nd–December 21st

And once they’ve shut up about fucking Succession they’ll just go on about something fucking else.

Capricorn, December 22nd–January 19th

You’d love to ski into Gwyneth Paltrow one of these days. You wouldn’t even sue – probably just get a quick handjob.

Aquarius, January 20th–February 18th

Yes, goldfish have a poor memory. But only a scumbag would take advantage of that.

Pisces, February 19th–March 20th

What if Al-Qaeda never meant any harm? What if their hostage video was going badly and the director just made the traditional gesture to wrap it up?