THE UK has proudly proclaimed that its Olympic heroes mean it is a major world power, while ignoring empty supermarket shelves.
Team GB’s incredible haul of 65 medals, placing us fourth in the table, has announced to the whole world that we are a nation to be reckoned with though admittedly also a nation that cannot get cucumbers.
Nathan Muir of Hereford said: “We’ve got medals in BMX, in modern pentathlon, in female weightlifting. That’s what matters. Stale bread tastes fine if you toast it.
“When Jason Kenny’s won seven gold medals in keirin, which I believe is a kind of cycling martial art, only small-minded petty losers with families to feed would carp about all the shelves in Sainsbury’s being empty by 10am.
“And it’s all because of Brexit. The amazing Olympic triumph that’s made us admired and feared around the world I mean, not the Army having to deliver dog food. Though that too.
“We may be looking at a long, hard winter of rationing and fuel shortages, but those accumulated medals will keep us feeling well-fed and warm. Thanks, heroes.”
He added: “Right, bored with that. I’m off to Tesco to threaten a shelf-stacker because there’s no Marmite.”