Darts players tested to make sure they’re pissed

DARTS players will be drug tested to ensure they are properly pissed.

As a team of Canadian curlers were disqualified for being drunk, darts officials said they wanted to make sure that no-one ever plays the ‘sport’ while simply pretending to be drunk.

Administrator Roy Hobbs said: “Sadly, nowadays you do hear about players only drinking a few before a game – or not having a beer at all. If we catch anyone testing negative for being shitfaced they will be banned immediately.”

Darts Player Wayne Hayes said: “I can honestly say, hand on heart, that I have never considered drinking water before a match, or pretending to slur my words.

“I would never want to win sober. It wouldn’t mean anything to me.”