Formula One launches race unfixing probe

F1 BOSSES have launched an investigation after a race somehow became unfixed.

What is all this?

‘Just go round and round for a bit’

Footage of the Malaysian Grand Prix allegedly shows Sebastian Vettel operating his car in the manner of someone trying to win.

The resulting controversy has left everyone not obsessed by Formula One deeply confused.

A Red Bull team spokesman said: “We take allegations of racing extremely seriously.

“Drivers must remember that this is not a sport but a deeply weird and monotonous pre-programmed entertainment experience that is completely incomprehensible to sane people.

“Kind of like Wacky Races but with odder drivers, more ridiculous-looking cars and lots of girls who look like hookers.”

F1 devotee Julian Cook said: “You could clearly see Vettel trying to accelerate past another car in order to make his car go over the finish line first.

“According to the twisted logic of the bizarre quasi-sport that I love for no apparent reason, this is quite unacceptable.

“If it’s proven that Vettel was trying to win, Bernie Ecclestone should have him thrown into a pit of scorpions.

“Although in some of the countries where they do F1 I think that would considered an excessively humane form of punishment.”