NEW goal-line technology is to be used in everyday life to create a more just world.
An avalanche of three controversial incidents spanning four years has prompted the introduction of goal cameras to the Premier League.
Having solved football, goal-line technology will then be used to resolve issues including capital versus labour, civil liberty versus public order and, most importantly, goal-line technology itself.
Using pinpoint accuracy, it will photograph controversial events as they happen. This could be a missile launch, a kiss between siblings or an argument about whether a burger is fully barbecued.
These will be relayed back to a specially appointed World Referee, who will be able to make a final decision that will satisfy everybody and make disagreement a thing of the past.
Inventor Julian Cook said, “As the late Margaret Thatcher would have put it, ‘Where there is discord, may we bring goal-line technology. Where there is error, may we bring goal-line technology. Where there is doubt, may we bring goal-line technology.'”
“Unfortunately, there was no goal-line technology back in 1979. Otherwise, we would have known for certain whether she was right or not about Thatcherism, and we would not be living in such a divided society.”