THE government has announced that children will be able to stay up late and get pissed for the England-Mexico match.
The legal drinking age will be temporarily removed on Sunday night so that children can experience the joy of watching England crash out of the World Cup with eight pints swimming through their system.
A government spokesperson said: “Young people shouldn’t be left out of these national moments. And one night of heavy drinking isn’t going to do them any harm. Their little livers will bounce right back.
“Kids are about to have social media ripped away from them, so they deserve a night of sinking pints while cheering on the Lions. It’ll be their first taste of adulthood and a crisp IPA rolled into one wholesome experience.
“For one glorious night the generational divide will vanish as red-faced primary school kids belt out Wonderwall alongside their elders. Little ones can even have a go at hurling abuse at the TV and getting into a bar fight, if they’re good.
“And who cares if they’ll be too hungover for school? Watching grown men cry in a Wetherspoons at 3am will be far more educational than anything they’ll learn in the classroom.”
Eight-year-old Jack Browne said: “This sounds even better than our school trip to Alton Towers. I hope I get a taste for excessive drinking I can enjoy for the rest of my life.”
