New Arsenal kit from Tesco

ARSENE Wenger has revealed Arsenal’s entire kit cost him just £200 from the Highbury branch of Tesco.

The frugal trophy-dodger has insisted that expenditure has nothing to do with winning trophies and feels his decision to get the players to compete in black plimsolls rather than expensive boots will have no adverse effect on results.

Wenger said: “These new kits are just the same as the pricey ones only they haven’t got some fancy logo on them to hike up the cost.

“As I keep reminding the squad, it’s not a bloody fashion parade. Tesco didn’t have any tops left in red but black doesn’t show up the muck as much so it’s probably for the best.

“The waste of money in this game is absolutely shocking – I can’t believe the amount we chucked away on that isotonic rubbish last season when there’s a tap full of perfectly good water in the changing rooms. From now on anything over a tenner has to be okayed by me.”

The club’s fixtures for the 2012/13 season have been handed to the firm Megabus to calculate the cheapest fares to the Emirates. Wenger himself has spent several evenings on the Easyjet website looking at deals for their European matches.

Fans have questioned the austerity drive, pointing to the £300M Wenger has in the club’s ISA account.

When asked why the season ticket prices have steadily risen to the equivalent cost of a two-bedroom flat overlooking the ground, without any of the money being spent on the squad, Wenger made vague references to the prices of heating and lighting the stadium before changing the subject.

Wenger added: “I’ve never held with being a flash Harry myself, so the players can go and live with that Mr Mancini if that’s the kind of thing they want, which this letter I’ve got from Van Persie seems to suggest they do.”



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Batman film actually about Batman

THE Dark Knight Rises is a film about a man dressed as a bat who drives a silly car, it has emerged.

Director Christopher Nolan’s latest epic has prompted intense speculation from critics searching for socio-political meaning behind the images of a man in a costume hitting people and running away from explosions.

The Guardian’s Tom Logan suggested that Batman’s batarang was symbolic of the means of production, which always returns to the hands of the bourgeousie. Meanwhile in America, right-wing commentator Rush Limbaugh believes gay socialist supervillain creators invented baddie Bane in 1993 on the off-chance that Mitt Romney would start a similar-sounding company years later, which would then look evil.

There has also been speculation about the film’s Nietzchean aspects. Film critic Nathan Muir said: “This film will see Batman coming to terms with the darkness in his soul, and going on a redemptive emotional  journey to the heart of his tortured psyche. While dressed in a bat costume.”

But the letters of Batman creator Bob Kane reveal that character was inspired simply by things that seemed cool at the time.

He wrote to his editor at DC Comics: “Had this idea for a character called Bat-Guy. He beats people up.”

The reply came: “Cool. Can he have a jazzy car that comes out of a cave?”

Kane wrote back: “Yes he can.”

Christopher Nolan said: “It’s up to the audience to make their own minds up. Is it a just superhero movie? Or is there something deeper?

“The way I’ve shot it, it’s pretty hard to make out what’s going on, which adds to the intrigue.”