JOEY Bartons French accent could be used for riot control or the war on terror, it has emerged.
Marseilles Lidl-strength Jean-Paul Sartre cleared a room of hardened journalists in a recent press conference.
His mixture of glottal stops and high-pitched drawling produced spontaneous diarrhoea and nosebleeds in everybody within a fifty-foot radius.
Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute For Studies said: Imagine the powerful effect these nasal quasi-French frequencies could have on a group of terrorists.
If this could be deployed alongside a video screen showing a close-up of the moustache – which mixes all the noxious elements of Marseille and Bootle top lip decisions – we could ship Barton over to Afghanistan and be done in about a fortnight without a shot being fired.
The French FA has yet to decide whether his repeated use of the word zis brings the game into disrepute or if they should just send video evidence to the police.
Meanwhile, Barton has been asked to speak only in a concrete bunker under controlled conditions and to wear a lead-lined gag to stop any leakage of stray vowels.
He will also limit his pseudo-intellectualism and thoughts on The Smiths, which have been known to cause rashes and itchy eyes in the young and elderly.
