Bookies don’t want your shitty £1 bet

THE nation’s bookmakers have told once-a-year punters to refrain from placing their pathetic Grand National bets this year.

Across the country, annual gamblers will walk into betting shops joking, laughing and otherwise ruining the atmosphere while staking a couple of pounds each way on the favourite.

Bookmaker Wayne Hayes said: “Every year they’re in here putting £2 on a 40-1 outsider called Chelsea Octopus because they support Chelsea and like octopuses, and it makes me sick.

“They take ages filling in their slips – Andy came in, lost his week’s wages on the roulette machine, went home and they still hadn’t finished – and then hand over £8 in grubby coins.

“They might as well save themselves the bother because best-case scenario is they win £30. It’s not exactly life-changing.

“Gambling isn’t fun. If you’re not sweating and shaking in front of the 2.35pm from Leopardstown on a Wednesday afternoon then don’t waste my time.”