Crowd greets record-breaking Rooney goal with open contempt

ENGLAND fans have celebrated Wayne Rooney’s record-breaking 50th goal with chants explaining why it isn’t a big deal.

The crowd responded to Rooney’s goal against Switzerland with cries of ‘Charlton scored his as a midfield playmaker’ and ‘Friendlies shouldn’t count’. 

Fan Stephen Malley said: “The minute the ball hit the back of the net, I unfurled my banner reading ‘You’d never have got this record if not for the fragmentation of the Eastern Bloc’ and held it high. 

“‘One Wayne Rooney, there’s only one Wayne Rooney and he has manifestly failed to fulfil his potential’ echoed around Wembley. 

“We’ve launched a petition to have an asterisk against his name in the record books and a footnote explaining that his single World Cup goal is a shameful achievement.

“Rooney is only England’s most successful striker if all context is disregarded.”

Fans across the nation curled their lips in disgust at the goal, and have promised that if a statue is erected they will refuse to look at it directly. 

Malley added: “However, I will concede that he’s better than Alan Shearer.”