THE England team must overcome a hostile fungus which has invaded their pitch and backs Argentina’s claim over the Falklands.
The pitch in Manaus, where England play Italy on Saturday, has been occupied by an organism which has vowed to ‘stand firm against imperialism’.
The fungus, which answered reporters’ questions by rearranging itself into sentences, said: “We are a socialist, republican fungus, ready to die for South American freedom, but tomorrow night for 90 minutes, we are Italian.
“When the Imperialists are attacking we will distract them by continually rearranging ourselves into a series of nightmarish images and insults based on close family members.”
The fungus then formed a picture of a clenched fist, before rearranging itself into the world ‘Malvinas!’.
England manager Roy Hodgson said: “I had exactly the same problem at Blackburn Rovers.”