ENGLAND manager Roy Hodgson has said he is determined that England will find a credible way to not succeed in Euro 2016.
After drawing San Marino, Estonia and a rocky outcrop in the Atlantic containing half a dozen puffins, there are fears that England cannot deliver the usual levels of under-achievement without looking like they’re taking the piss.
Hodgson said: “Euro 2016 has been extended to allow 24 countries, principalities and sea forts to appear in the finals, making competition to be the worst team more intense than ever.
“Clearly victory is not an option but the question is how, with the odds so terrifyingly stacked in our favour, to fail without resorting to slapstick.
“I’m considering some sort of hypnosis or remote-controlled genital electrodes to punish goal-scoring.”
Hodgson will have to decide if the experienced inanity of players like Gerrard and Lampard can see them squeak past teams of middle-aged bus conductors, or whether to turn to England’s new generation of idiots.
With the finals just two years away, the England camp will want to get off to as disastrous a start as possible before just about scraping though on goal difference after the final qualifier.
Hodgson said: “It’s going to be tough but I think if you ask any Liverpool fan they’ll tell you that I can plumb any footballing depths I put my mind to.”