A FIFA task force has recommended finding out what the exact opposite of holding the World Cup in Qatar is and doing that.
A spokesman said: “The ideal host country for the 2022 World Cup would have a long history with the game, football stadiums, a strong human rights record and a pleasant summer climate ideal for physical exertion.
“A stable government not wholly dependent on the price of oil, which incidentally is plummeting, and a shortage of politically turbulent neighbours harbouring radicals eager to strike a blow against the West would also be an advantage.
“Unfortunately, and no criticism of FIFA’s voting process is at all implied, these qualities are exactly what Qatar does not have.
“If scientists working on the Large Hadron Collider could somehow make an anti-matter Qatar, like that ray that created Bizarro out of Superman, then the resulting Rataq would be the perfect hosts.”